Resources » Parenting
Parenting
Useful Health Tips
- Helping Your Toddler to Eat Well - Sharing the Responsibility with Your One to Three-Year-Old
- Formula Feeding Your Baby - Getting Started
Adjusting To Parenthood
By Lynne Thurling, MD, PhD, FRCP(C)
When a woman who is accustomed to working outside of the home interacting with other adults becomes a mother, it is a significant lifestyle adjustment to stay at home to care for a baby full-time.
It may be pure joy, having your new baby in your arms. But learning to cope with the constant challenges and interrupted sleep that come with being a new parent can sometimes seem overwhelming.
Preparing yourself for your new life before the birth of your baby will help you feel more confident. It helps to do some reading about child care and to talk with other new mothers.
Techniques To Help You Adapt To Your New Lifestyle
Sleep deprivation is common among new parents. This can be a problem psychologically and physically. Try to adapt to your baby's rhythms, and nap when she (or he) naps. Concentrate on caring for your new baby and getting rest; everything else should become secondary.
Don't fret if your home is not spotless. And this is not the time to start decorating! Graciously accept all the help your family and friends offer.
You don't have to be completely deprived of spending time with other adults. With the Internet, cellphones, television and more, there are many ways to keep connected with the world outside your home. When your baby gets past the newborn stage, you can take her with you to the library, shopping, and even to have a coffee with a friend.
Your partner will feel less deprived of attention, if he is involved with caring for the baby. Taking part in the baby's care will help him understand your fatigue, and the mutual involvement with your baby can lead to a new emotional and physical closeness. You can be a team, sharing parenting responsibilities and joys.
If you have a fulfilling career outside the home, you may be concerned you will be passed over for promotion. Companies acknowledge more and more that a parent must take the time needed to be with the new baby. Some women use their home computer and network with their employer to keep in touch, and even provide ongoing assistance to the person or people temporarily performing their duties.
Dr. Lynne Thurling is a psychiatrist in private practice in Fergus and Toronto, Ont.
Thanks to ParentsCanada.Com for the article.
Fathers Matter
Being a father is one of the most important jobs you will ever have. In the past, most fathers went to work to support their families, while raising children was the mother's job.
Things have changed. In many families today, both parents work for pay. In others, the father stays at home caring for the children, while the mother goes out to work.
No matter what your family is like, it can be hard to balance the demands of your work and your family. But spending time with your children in the first six years is one of the best things you can do for them. Being involved in your child's life doesn't make you less of a man.
Getting involved in your children's lives is the way to have them develop a strong bond with you. And being close to someone who loves them will make your children feel loved and secure.
When a baby is very young, many fathers feel there is no role for them because the baby depends so much on the mother. Babies do need their mothers, but there are many important things you, the baby's father, can do, whether your child is a newborn or toddler.
Whatever you do with your children, the important thing is to spend time together. Show your children that you love them and that they have your attention. All these activities help you and your children know, trust and love each other.
You have what it takes to be a great father.
What you can do:
- Play with your child.
- Change your baby's diapers.
- Cuddle your children, and give them hugs and kisses.
- Bathe, talk, read and sing to your baby.
- Take your child to the babysitter or to school.
- Take your child for walks.
- Take your children to the library or a community program.
- Take your children to play in the park.
- Put your children to bed.
- Have fun together. Be silly! Make funny faces and make your baby laugh.
Thanks to ParentsCanada.Com for the article.
Harvard Researchers Say Children Need Touching and Attention
by Alvin Powell, Contributing Writer, Harvard Gazette
America's "let them cry" attitude toward children may lead to more fears and tears among adults, according to two Harvard Medical School researchers.
Instead of letting infants cry, American parents should keep their babies close, console them when they cry, and bring them to bed with them, where they'll feel safe, according to Michael Commons and Patrice Miller, researchers at the Medical School's Department of Psychiatry.
The pair examined child-rearing practices here and in other cultures and say the widespread American practice of putting babies in separate beds - even separate rooms - and not responding to their cries may lead to more incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic disorders among American adults.
The early stress due to separation causes changes in infant brains that makes future adults more susceptible to stress in their lives, say Commons and Miller.
"Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently," Commons said. "It changes the nervous system so they're sensitive to future trauma."
Their work is unique because it takes a cross-disciplinary approach, examining brain function, emotional learning in infants, and cultural differences, according to Charles R. Figley, director of the Traumatology Institute at Florida State University and editor of The Journal of Traumatology.
"It is very unusual but extremely important to find this kind of interdisciplinary and multidisciplinary research report," Figley said. "It accounts for cross-cultural differences in children's emotional response and their ability to cope with stress, including traumatic stress."
"Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently. It changes the nervous system so they're sensitive to future trauma."
- Dr. Michael Commons,
Dept of Psychiatry, Harvard
Figley said their work illuminates a route of further study and could have implications for everything from parents' efforts to intellectually stimulate infants to painful practices such as circumcision.
Commons has been a lecturer and research associate at the Medical School's Department of Psychiatry since 1987 and is a member of the Department's Program in Psychiatry and the Law.
Miller has been a research associate at Harvard Medical School's Program in Psychiatry and the Law since 1994 and an assistant professor of psychology at Salem State College since 1993. She received master's and doctorate degrees in education from Harvard's Graduate School of Education.
The pair say that American child-rearing practices are influenced by fears that children will grow up dependent. But parents are on the wrong track. Physical contact and reassurance will make children more secure when they finally head out on their own and make them better able to form their own adult relationships.
"We've stressed independence so much that it's having some very negative side effects," Miller said.
The two gained the spotlight in February when they presented their ideas at the American Association for the Advancement of Science's annual meeting in Philadelphia.
In a paper presented at the meeting, Commons and Miller contrasted American child-rearing practices with those of other cultures, particularly the Gusii tribe of Kenya. Gusii mothers sleep with their babies and respond rapidly when the baby cries.
"Gusii mothers watching videotapes of U.S. mothers were upset by how long it took these mothers to respond to infant crying," Commons and Miller said in their paper on the subject.
The way we are brought up colors our entire society, Commons and Miller say. Americans in general don't like to be touched and pride themselves on independence to the point of isolation, even when undergoing a difficult or stressful time.
Despite the conventional wisdom that babies should learn to be alone, Miller said she believes many parents "cheat," keeping the baby in the room with them, at least initially. In addition, once the child can crawl around, she believes many find their way into their parents' room on their own.
American parents shouldn't worry about this behavior or be afraid to baby their babies, Commons and Miller said. Parents should feel free to sleep with their infant children, to keep their toddlers nearby, perhaps on a mattress in the same room, and to comfort a baby when it cries.
"There are ways to grow up and be independent without putting babies through this trauma," Commons said. "My advice is to keep the kids secure so they can grow up and take some risks."
Besides fears of dependence, other factors have helped form our childrearing practices, including fears that children would interfere with sex if they shared their parents' room and doctors' concerns that a baby would be injured by a parent rolling on it if it shared their bed, the pair said. The nation's growing wealth has helped the trend toward separation by giving families the means to buy larger homes with separate rooms for children.
The result, Commons and Miller said, is a nation that doesn't like caring for its own children, a violent nation marked by loose, nonphysical relationships.
"I think there's a real resistance in this culture to caring for children," Commons said. "Punishment and abandonment has never been a good way to get warm, caring, independent people."